I felt like I was doing great (okay, not great, but fine) spiritually and everything was fine. (I'm not sure why I thought that given that: scripture study is helping the kids do a page in their religious study, my prayers are perfunctory, and going to church feels like more of a duty than something I look forward to. And don't even ask me about visiting teaching. Literally, don't ask.) I've been drifting along, stagnant and not growing. Anyways, I was listening to the women in my ward talk about how and when they have experienced service or given service to others.
And I was convicted.
I have used the twins as an excuse to not get out of my comfort zone. It's easy to say that someone else will take care of the service. Or, I'm needed too much at home. Or, I can't take the kids with me. Or, no one would want to watch six kids so that I can help. It's too difficult. It's not my thing. I don't know how or where to serve. Or, I can handle life and I've got all these kids and responsibilities, so why can't someone handle their own life. (Yeah, I can be just a bit judgmental. It's a fault I know and have to guard against closely.) Those are my excuses.
Yes, I am busy, but not so busy that I can't finish four books a week. It might be difficult for me to find someone to watch all the kids, but maybe I could find things that they could do with me. The point is, I haven't looked for someone to serve. I haven't been asking everyone to serve me, but I haven't looked outside of my own house either. I listened to a friend tell how she had an impression that someone in our ward needed service. And I thought, "I've never had an impression like that and I am not very good at receiving or accepting impressions from the Spirit." I also haven't prayed to ask who I could serve. I haven't lived up to what I am capable of and I haven't been teaching my children the value of service or the joy of service.
That's another thing. I really need to show more joy in my life. I am exactly where I want to be in life so why don't I share more joy in it. That's a topic for another post though. . .
Back to the joy of service though. There's more to service and charity than something I have to do or a principle I have to live up to. There's joy in a job well done and someone helped. I know about the joy of service. I've experienced it. I need to do more than just talk about it with the kids. They need to see it and experience it for themselves. I really have to sit down and calendar it though so it will get done.
So, today I end this very honest post with a prayer that I can find, and will be open to, serving someone outside the home this week. Even if it gets me out of my comfort zone where I am the ruler over all.